How Can I Improve This Relationship? A 4-Card Tarot Spread
Relationships hit rough patches. When they do, most people ask tarot the wrong questions.
“Will this work out?” “What does he think of me?” “Is she going to leave?”
All these questions put you in observer mode, waiting for the universe to deliver a verdict. They’re passive. They’re also useless because you can’t verify the answers and you can’t do anything with them.
This spread asks different questions. It examines what you can actually control: your patterns, your contributions, your next steps.
The Four Positions
Card 1: Current Relationship Dynamic
Where you actually are right now. Not where you were three months ago. Not where you hope to be. Where you stand today.
Look for overall energy. Is the card showing tension or harmony? Stagnation or movement? Withdrawal or engagement?
The Five of Cups in this position doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. It shows someone focused on what’s been lost rather than what remains. The dynamic centers around grief or disappointment overshadowing the good parts still present.
Card 2: What You’re Bringing
Your contribution to the current dynamic. Your energy, patterns, behaviors as they affect the relationship.
This isn’t about blame. It’s honest assessment of what you’re adding to the mix, helpful and unhelpful.
The Queen of Swords here might show you’re bringing clarity and direct communication, but also a cutting edge creating distance. You’re logical and truthful, but you might be prioritizing being right over being connected.
Card 3: What They’re Bringing
Their contribution. Their energy, patterns, what they’re adding to the relationship dynamic.
Remember: you’re interpreting this through your lens, not reading their mind. This position shows how their energy appears in the context of your connection and what you might be picking up on intuitively.
The Four of Pentacles suggests they’re bringing protective energy, possibly holding back emotionally or being defensive about vulnerability. This isn’t necessarily negative—they might be protecting something important. But it shows a guardedness affecting the dynamic.
Card 4: Action to Strengthen Connection
Where the spread becomes practical. What you can actually do to improve things.
Focus on actions within your control. The cards won’t tell the other person what to do, but they’ll show you how to shift the energy, create space for change, or approach the situation differently.
The Six of Swords here suggests creating deliberate transition. Maybe you need to consciously move the relationship from rough waters to calmer ground through measured conversation, changed environment, or intentional boundary-setting. The action is about navigation, not force.
How to Read This Spread
Start with patterns
Before diving into individual cards, notice the overall picture:
- Suit distribution: All Cups might indicate an emotionally-charged situation. Mixed suits show complexity across different life areas.
- Court card presence: Multiple court cards suggest other people’s personalities and motivations are central factors.
- Reversed cards: If you read reversals, a spread heavy with them might indicate internal blocks or energies not flowing freely.
- Major Arcana: Their presence signals deeper, more significant patterns at play beyond surface-level issues.
Connect the cards
Don’t read each position in isolation. Look for the conversation between them.
How does what you’re bringing (Card 2) interact with what they’re bringing (Card 3)? Does the suggested action (Card 4) address the current dynamic (Card 1)? Are there contradictions that need reconciling? Do certain cards seem to explain or elaborate on others?
Use your intuition
The imagery matters as much as traditional meanings. Notice where figures are looking—toward each other or away? Body language—open or closed, active or passive? Emotional tone—warm or cold, hopeful or heavy? Symbols that repeat across multiple cards?
Trust your gut reactions. If the Ten of Cups in the action position makes you feel anxious rather than hopeful, that reaction is valuable information.
When to Use This Spread
This spread works well for relationships in transition, when you sense something shifting but can’t quite identify what. It’s good for recurring conflicts, when the same issues keep surfacing and you need fresh perspective. Use it for communication breakdowns, when talking directly hasn’t created movement, or before difficult conversations to understand the landscape before attempting repair.
You can also use it for regular relationship check-ins. Quarterly readings can catch small issues before they become large ones.
Skip this spread when you’re too emotionally flooded to interpret clearly—wait until you can approach with curiosity. Don’t use it when the relationship involves abuse or serious harm; seek professional help instead. And avoid it when you’ve already decided to end things and are seeking validation rather than genuine guidance.
Tips for Better Readings
Frame your question carefully. “How can I improve this relationship?” puts you in the driver’s seat. “Will this relationship improve?” makes you a passive observer waiting for a verdict.
Be honest about what you see. If the cards show you’re contributing to the problem, don’t rationalize it away. That’s exactly the information you need.
Don’t make it about mind-reading. The “what they’re bringing” position shows energy and patterns, not their private thoughts. Focus on observable dynamics rather than assumed intentions.
Take action, then re-read. Do a follow-up reading after implementing the suggested action. See what’s shifted and what needs continued attention.
Keep a relationship reading journal. Track patterns over time. You might notice certain cards appearing repeatedly in readings about specific people, revealing ongoing themes.
Beyond the Spread
This spread offers a snapshot, not a prescription. The cards show current energy and potential actions, but you remain responsible for your choices.
Use the reading as a starting point for reflection and honest conversation. Sometimes the most powerful outcome isn’t implementing exactly what the cards suggest—it’s using the reading to clarify what you actually want and need.
Relationships are complex systems. A single spread won’t solve everything. But it can crack open new perspective when you’re stuck in familiar patterns. It can remind you of strengths you’ve forgotten or reveal blind spots you couldn’t see.
The goal isn’t perfect relationships. It’s conscious relationships where you understand what you’re creating together and have tools for navigating the inevitable rough patches.
Want more practical tarot guidance? Check out my zine Beyond the Little White Book to develop your interpretive skills beyond basic keywords.
New to divination? Start simple with an at-home printable Rider-Waite-Smith tarot deck.